Do You Get in Your Own Way?

Do you get in your own way? I do.

I. REALLY. do.  

The realization of this hit me hard last night when I was watching Ted Lasso. If you don't watch the show, I highly recommend you check it out. It is about an American Football coach who leaves the US to go coach a UK Football (Soccer) team that has had less than a stelar track record. He comes with a lot of baggage (a fresh divorce, a son who lives back in the US who he adores but can’t be there for, anxiety, etc.). Although he may not be the best soccer coach, as he has a lot to learn about the game, he has a lot to teach…and being human is the majority of what we learn from Ted.

Last night's episode was about losing a major team player that was instrumental to helping them move up in the league. As Ted watched the team become completely down and disillusioned, he addressed them with an extraordinary speech, as he often does. Ted, with all of the bad things that happen to him, and with all of the sadness he carries, somehow always can see what’s really important and maintain an aura of positivity, amidst the negativity. His motto “Believe” is a theme that is carried throughout the show.

Here’s his speech from last night’s episode:

“We didn’t need Zava (team player that left). All we need to win are the fellas in this room. And all you fellas need to do is believe it. 

(He rips up a sign from the wall that says “Believe”.)

This is just a sign. Belief doesn’t just happen because you hang something up on a wall. It comes from in here (as he points to his chest). And up here (as he points to his head). And down here (as he points to his gut).

Only problem is that we all got so much junk running through us, a lot of times we end up getting in our own way. You know, crap like envy, or fear, or shame. I don’t want to mess around with that sh*t anymore. You know what I mean? Do you? (Team agrees.)

No…me neither. Hell no. You know what I want to mess around with? The belief that I matter. You know? Regardless of what I do or don’t achieve.

Or, the belief that we all deserve to be loved. Whether we have been hurt or maybe we’ve hurt somebody else.

Or, what about the belief of hope? That’s what I want to mess with. Believing that things can get better. That I can get better. That we will get better.

Oh man…to believe in yourself. To believe in one another. Man, that’s fundamental to being alive. If you can do that…nobody can rip that apart.”

Bam. Ted lays it out so clearly.

Belief in yourself…that's all it takes in life to do achieve and do the things you want. Although the message applies to so much in our lives, from a creativity standpoint, it REALLY is powerful.

But really, whether an artist or a doctor, a mom or a child, an executive or a mailroom clerk, whatever you are or do…you matter…and it’s only the junk that will get in our way. It’s easy to let the “junk” steamroll our progress…to let the “junk” sabotage us…to let the “junk” win.

It’s our job to get rid of the “junk” and kick it to the curb. A few things:

1. Don’t Compare: Avoid the temptation to compare or measure yourself against others. Instead, measure yourself against your past self. Look at what you’ve accomplished since a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago, etc.

2. Focus on Where YOU Want to Go: Along with comparing, think about what it is YOU want to achieve. Forget the rest of the world…and instead, think about what will make YOU happy. What will bring YOU joy. And go for that.

3. Avoid Shiny Objects: Ugh. This happens to me all the time. I’m like the dog in the movie “Up” that will be happily trotting along and then say “SQUIRREL!” in the middle of doing something. This is me. I tend to always get distracted by new ideas or new revenue streams and in the end, they are just that: distractions. This stems a little bit from the idea that the grass is greener or pure and simple - FOMO (fear of missing out). Just because someone else is doing something or has something doesn’t mean it is right for you. Try to stay focused on what matters to you and what serves you best.

4. Stay Positive: When you think you’re not good enough. Stop and reframe your thoughts. Think how good you ARE…and how good you WILL BE…with work and effort. Use positive self-talk and push out “I Can’t” or “I Won’t”.

Staying above the “junk” is hard. But the more we can rise above it and keep it out of our head, the more our belief in ourselves will prevail. 

Does “junk” enable you to get in your own way? Share in the comments below…